The Wind in the Willows

As I was planning a trip to Disneyland today, I was thinking how awesome Mr. Toad is.

But think about it- Mr. Toad is this wealthy amphibian who spends his days driving recklessly. I don't think he's been drinking- could be, but I don't think so- but he flees the authorities, who just want to lock him up because of his Need for Speed. Tragic. But wonderful.

If there was a movie, Ricky Gervais would have to play the title character. J. Thaddeus Toad. There's no other option. Alan Rickman needs to be the Judge because Alan Rickman should always be the villain. Of course, Stephen Fry would be wonderful, too. Cyril Proudbottom - I think he's a weasel. With a monacle. Bill Nighy! Angus McBadger- all you have to do is say it and Scottish names spring forth like a John Belushi zit: Ewan McGregor? James McAvoy? Either would do well.

And then Mole. How sad is that? Everyone else has cool names - Thaddeus, Angus, Cyril- and then Mole. He's like the forgotten child. He's like the leftover sandwich crusts. He's like Danny DeVito in Twins. Hey Danny DeVito would be a great Mole. Done deal. Let's do lunch.